Jun 6, 2017

Big-Ass Changes, God Damn

Hello! I am back, with another ramble ready. It's been a month and a half since my last post. Let's talk.

Not much happened in April after I made that post, just a lot of loafing around and enjoying my spare time. May however, was a fucking trip.

May 4th. Star Wars day. Also the day that Rose and I broke up.

We just stopped working as a couple. We don't hate each other, we still want to be friends, but we couldn't be together any more. I think what hurts the most is that we still worked so well in so many ways, but there was just enough that we couldn't do it any more.

It was a lot of little things. That's what it usually comes down to, right? Things that don't seem like so much on their own, but when they snowball... It can get ugly.

Four years. Four whole years.

It didn't properly hit me until I got home, and that evening I was fucking hysterical. Couldn't stop crying for shit. I went on to cry myself to sleep every day for a week. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to eat and when I did it was junk. I slept in late and went to bed in the wee hours of the morning.

I probably could have spoken of the exact circumstances more poignantly a couple weeks ago, when I was still depressed as shit. However, I have hit the point where it weighs me down but I don't want to linger too much, partly because I know it will only hurt me and partly because we have talked a few times since, and I did get a little closure. When I see reminders of us, I pause for a moment, heave a heavy sigh, and continue on. I'm not at the point of waxing poetically any more, it's more of a low hum.

There is one other big event which aided in yanking me out of my depressive slump. Remember in my last post, I mentioned buying tickets to a convention? Well, that convention was Anime North, which happens on the last weekend of May every year. It helped hugely with getting me out of my own head. I had a great time, aside from some health bullshit that happened, which I really don't feel like dwelling on at the moment.

Friday I went to an Undertale panel that was pretty cool. I was planning on going to a 10:30 panel called Bad Fanfiction, in which voice actors would be doing dramatic readings of truly horrible fanfiction, but I had to go back to my hotel early because of aforementioned health issues :(

Saturday I saw the community fashion show and the Japanese brand fashion show, and they were both so fucking beautiful. It was really awesome to see some of my friends from the local lolita community not only modelling in the community section, but showing off their own brands in the indie brand section of the community fashion show! I also went to the Homestuck photoshoot on Saturday and went to dinner with some folks from there afterwords.

On Sunday morning, I went to an Introduction to DND workshop and made my first character! I'm really excited to start playing. There's a local games shop that does weekly DND Adventurer's League that I want to sign up for some time. First I need to name my character though, whoops, and also buy a set of seven polyhedral dice.

Sunday afternoon was the major event of the weekend (for me, anyway), the Lolita Tea Party! The team this year did a spectacular job. The guests were designers from two major lolita brands, Metamorphose Temps de Filles and Triple Fortune. There was also a surprise special guest who popped in for a little, visual kei J-rock band Hollow Mellow! They performed one of their songs live (well, the singer sung to a backtrack since there wasn't room to set up instrumental equipment). After their little pop in there was a Q&A with the brand designers, and then the guests went around to all of the tables and each table got to take a photo with the guests. There was also a raffle (I didn't win anything :( ).

One week later, and I'm back to reality, preparing for my summer work plans. Remember the summer camp I mentioned working at last summer, and returning to this year? I am no longer only a camp counsellor. I am the summer intern! Just today the camp director assigned to me my official task list. It's a little daunting, but I'm very excited for it!! Basically, I will be doing an assload of logistics and liaisoning. I'm so happy to be involved in the behind the scenes aspect of this wonderful camp, and I still get to be a camp counsellor, too.

Every summer for the past three years, I have worked the day camp at the art studio. This internship is full time, July through the end of August. My last shift at the studio is on Monday, June 26th, and I will not be returning in September.

Three and a half years I worked there. It's the end of an era, damn. As you may have detected from my last post, I'm pretty sick of working there at this point, so I'm a little nostalgic but not really upset about it. The owner has decided to change locations anyway, to a place that's pretty inaccessible for me via public transit, however this decision happened long after I put in my letter of resignation.

The management has only gotten worse since the location change was set in stone. She doesn't seem to give a shit about the business any more, and she's only buying us the absolute bare minimum of supplies. We are running out of paint colours like white and yellow, which happen to be very fucking important colours, and she doesn't seem to give a single shit. I'm just generally frustrated with her and glad to be out of her hair.

I don't know what I'll do for work in September. My school schedule is going to be kind of weird (if I get into all of the courses I want, my registration opens tomorrow morning) and not very accommodating for most part-time jobs, so I may end up taking the term off to focus on my studies. I mean, I say that now, but I have a feeling that the moment I'm unemployed - for the first time in three and a half years - I may panic wildly with the thought of my income stagnating, despite having more than a decent savings and living with my parents.

For the present moment, I am taking they punches as the roll in. First things first, getting through the month of June. I've got some events peppered through the month, like a sushi dinner and chill with my high school friends on June 10th, the first time we'll be seeing each other since December. There's also the local Pride Parade on June 17th. And through the weekdays, I will be getting ready for my summer internship.

And Animal Crossing. Lots and lots of Animal Crossing. As of this moment, I have 499 hours and 41 minutes logged in that game.

I was trying to get back into Sims this evening and got distracted CC shopping for a nice looking long skirt, because all of the EA/Maxis skirts look like shit and I fucking love wearing long skirts. May remake my simself for fun.

Stay tuned, folks.

P.S. Here's a bonus photo from Anime North. I didn't take many photos over the weekend, but I couldn't miss taking a photo of Boston Pizza's annual tradition. The location down the street from the convention centre changes their sign to say this every year, but this is the first year I've been able to witness the glory firsthand.


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