Ugly. It's a word we use to describe things we don't find visually appealing. It's a word we use to describe things that are bad, or things that went bad. It's a word we use as an insult to someone or something. Being called ugly, or calling someone else ugly, is not a nice thing.
Now, a while back, a few months into the school year, so I'm guessing 'round November-ish, a friend told me something. Let's call this friend Sally, for privacy reasons. Make note that Sally can be brutally honest - honesty can be nice, but in moderation. I once parted my hair too far off to the side and made a comment on how it didn't really suit me, and she said "Yeah, it looks horrible." I was talking to Sally, I forget what about, but she abruptly told me, "The guys think you're ugly, Caitlin. You may not have been hearing it, but I have."
The guys in my grade are hard to please, I know that. I've heard these two dumbasses talking about how there are "no hot girls" in our grade, and how last year's grade eights were hotter. Those girls were a bunch of makeup whores and sluts, with exorbitant amounts of makeup caked on - so mush so you can hardly see their faces - and low-cut tops to their belly buttons. Boys will be boys, I guess.
Now, I have a fairly good self esteem - I know I'm beautiful despite what people say, I never gob on makeup to cover blemishes (I only ever really wear mascara and a bit of gloss) and I've never been one to do something absolutely fantastic and say that it sucks. Despite all of this, that stung. That really stung.
I've been thinking about this a lot tonight. It's the very reason I turned my laptop back on, so I could make this post. But I've been thinking, why do I care? I know that I'm beautiful, I know that the guys are into sluts except for a select few I hang out with, why do I care?
It's just been bugging me, and I had to get it out. Sometimes you guys are the only ones there to listen when I need to rant (especially when it's 12:30 in the morning xP ).